Cancer
by Just A Little Bit Dramatic
Summary: Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you...Scully doesnt want to die. Songfic, set during the brain tumour. T to be safe...


**Well, it seems I am finally writing another X-Files songfic. It's set after Memento Mori, the famous episode where Scully gets her little health shock. So, do not read unless you have seen Season 4. It's implied/mild MSR, a songfic about Scully's cancer. Scenes featured not in the series. Random question: Do Mulder and Scully remind you of Olivia and Elliot in Law & Order: SVU? I'm addicted to both at the moment. They remind me of each other!**

**I wanted to have Mulder visit Scully after the chemotherapy, and I have made up scenes not set to fit into any of the episodes. The last scene is Scully telling Mulder it's gone into remission, after her condition has worsened. So each verse signifies a change in time. Savvy? **

**I don't own The X-Files, Mulder or Scully, Gillian Anderson or David Duchovny, or the song "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance. I do own some seasons of X-Files, and the My Chemical Romance album. Does that count?**

_Turn away,_

_If you could get me a drink of water, _

_Cause my lips are chapped and faded._

Scully dropped her book shakily as the blood dripped from her nose onto the pages. Gasping, she pressed the back of her hand to her nose tentatively, half running to her bathroom. A knock sounded on the door as she rinsed a cloth with water, before pressing it to her face.

She glanced at her pale face, framed by the short, straight red hair, and her eyes glimmered with tears left unfallen. Sniffing slightly, she blinked, and one slid down her cheek. A small trail of moisture stood out against her cheekbone, and she wiped it off quickly. 

Mulder's voice echoed through her apartment. "Scully? You home?" He walked towards the bathroom. Scully turned, cloth still held up, and watched his face change from confusion to concern. His forehead creased, his eyes widening and filling with the ever present grief. Grief bracing him for the inevitable yet ineveitably unbearable…her death.

"I'm fine, Mulder." She said quietly. "It's only a bit of blood…it'll pass in a few moments." He didn't speak, just watched as she waited for the bleeding to cease, her face paling even more than usual. It finally stopped, and she coughed into the cloth, more blood appearing.

Mulder cleared his throat, but his voice was still husky when he spoke. "Is there anything I can get you? A glass of water?" But he knew she'd refuse the offer for help, even as she shook her head, he had known it was coming.

Scully rinsed the cloth, placing it in her washing basket, and checking her reflection in the mirror. She turned to watch her tall partner, and her lips quivered at the anguish she could see written all through his dark eyes. 

She shook her head, forcing a smile. "You see? I'm fine, Mulder." She wet her lips, clearing her throat, and smoothing her black suit. "Don't look so worried. I'm not going anywhere. I don't think I'd be able to watch on from wherever I may go as you destroy our office…anymore than it is already, I mean."

Mulder smiled at her joke, but it didn't reach his eyes. It pained her to look at him, so Scully averted her gaze. She waited until he looked away before looking back up. Gasping softly, she saw the moisture in his eyes. It chilled her to the core. 

_Call my Aunt Marie,_

_Help her gather all my things,_

_And bury me._

Scully handed the notebook to her mother, finally satisfied now she had finished. She had spent the last few hours writing her will, something she couldn't leave undone. Her mother read through it, a few more tears falling as she read through her daughter's words. 

Margaret Scully read through the last verse, and stifled sobs. "Oh, Dana…you'll break Fox's heart with this verse…" She read it aloud. "My dearest Mulder, know that I never wanted to leave you. So I leave with you the only thing I ever truly gave you, though it is and always has been yours for the taking. I give you my heart. Take care, both of yourself, and of your beautiful mind. Find a new partner, find the ability to _trust…find the truth_…keep both of our hearts alive for forever."

Scully blushed, looking down at her lap. "I think I'm going to take it out. I…I don't think I could live with myself if I did that to him, Mom." Margaret watched her strong daughter begin to cry, silent tears streaking down her face. "To…to let him suffer a future of what _might _have been…I know Mulder. He'd muse about it, obsess over the idea. Even fool himself into thinking he felt the same." She fiddled with her jacket sleeve.

"Oh, sweetheart," Margaret touched her daughter's copper hair, smoothing it, "Fox doesn't need to _fool _himself into thinking he loves you. Anyone can see it…you're the world to him, Dana." Scully looked up, forcing a smile.

She shook her head, another tear falling. "He loves me, yes…but he's not _in love _with me. There's a difference. And, as painful as it is, I cant…I can never let him know how much he means to me, in more than a platonic sense. Mom…you can _never_ tell him. Not before…not after…let him move on. Find someone he can fall in love with."

Margaret sighed, closing her eyes. "Dana…I just want you to be happy. Completely and utterly happy." She drew her daughter closer, hugging the petite frame against her own fragile body, and breaking down into sobs.

Scully breathed in deeply, her face buried in her mother's shoulder. "I am happy, Mom…I'm ready for this. And as long as Mulder's happy…I'll never ask for anything else. Just…take care of him for me. Make him a member of the family when I'm gone. For both of your sakes." 

_In all my favourite colours,_

_My sisters and my brothers, still,_

_I will not kiss you._

Scully walked into the office, wrapping her arms around herself almost self consciously. Usually being in the building, in the black suit, made her feel confident, completely in control. Today it just made her feel like everyone was watching her.

Mulder was pretending to do work, but looked up as she walked in. His expression immediately softened, and his eyes grew sadder. Scully mentally recalled her reflection; she thought she looked okay for someone who hadnt had a good night's sleep.

"Hey…" Mulder stood up, forcing a smile. "Are you sure you want to be at work, Dana?" He tested the name on his tongue; it was rarely that he referred to her by anything other than her last name.

Scully paled at his use of her first name, but hid her shock well. "I've never needed to be at work more, _Fox_." She retorted. She knew her tone wasn't the gentlest it had ever been, but she didn't need his pity. She wanted to be treated the same as usual, like nothing had ever changed, though everything had.

Mulder frowned, and sat back down. Scully sat across from him, taking a file from his desk, and began to read through it. The two sat in silence for a while, both forcing their attention to the work at hand, but Mulder broke the silence.

"I'm sorry." Scully's eyebrows rose at the statement, and her blue eyes snapped up, meeting his. Mulder continued. "I shouldn't…you havent changed to me, Scully. I just thought you should know that." Scully lifted her hand, and took his, squeezing it silently.

She looked down again, speaking. "I know, Mulder…I know that. I…it's going to be hard for a while. But we'll get through this." She felt his grip on her hand tighten, and looked up. He smiled at her.

"I love you, Scully." Her heart leapt at the simple statement, but it sunk at his next words, and she fought to contain the pain she felt. "You're…the best friend I never had. The adopted sister I always needed. In every way, Scully, you are family…and I love you."

Fighting tears, she decided to pretend she took it as a compliment. "I love you too, Mulder." The problem was that she meant it in the other way. "You're…the person I am closest to on this whole world. I can't live, I can't breathe, without you. I'm so glad I met you."

Mulder's hand touched her cheek, gently stroking a tear that had fallen. She had been crying too much lately, in her own opinion. They had both leaned forward, and their foreheads were touching. They stayed like that for a while, just touching, just…safe. 

_Cause the hardest part of this,_

_Is leaving you…_

Scully finished scrawling out the song list. Her brother had asked her to write a funeral plan, as hard as it was, to save her mother the pain of figuring it all out. Scully wanted to be cremated, for some reason. She had seen too many graves be dug up to let it happen to her.

Mulder walked in, carrying a stack of paper. He motioned to the notepad she was writing on, face curious. "Did you find a lead in the Jersey case?" Scully shook her head, distracted, and he frowned. "What are you doing?"

She tensed, waiting for the explosion when she said it, waiting for the pain to register as she spoke the words he didn't want to hear, but had asked to. "Bill suggested…that I write…Mulder…I'm planning my funeral." She sighed. 

Mulder's face blanched, and he began to shake. His jaw tensed, and his voice was almost a shout when he spoke. "Why, Scully, why? You can't just…plan your own funeral! You're not even fighting it? It's like you've given up, completely!"

Scully jumped to her feet, breathing heavily. "Mulder, we can't just pretend it's never going to happen! I have cancer that can't be treated. I am _going _to die. I'd prefer it be with a peace of mind. I _can't _fight this, Mulder! I can fight aliens, and…government conspiracies, but I _can't _fight something happening in my own body!"

Mulder shook his head, staring at his partner, usually so strong, but so defeated now. "I'll never accept that you've given up, Scully. It isnt you! You _don't _give up. Not you!" She slammed her hands against the desk.

"Damn it, Mulder, you don't understand! It's not _fair_, but it's going to happen!" Scully walked over, glaring up at him, fire blazing in her eyes. "I'm _dying_, Mulder! You can't give me a God damned cure for cancer, because there _isnt _one! This isnt some damn X-File, this is my _life_!" She turned, storming from the room.

People stared as she walked out of the elevator, hurrying out of the building. She reached the stairs when someone shouted her name. Tears were falling as she turned, the Ice-Queen exterior shattered, and a tall man caught her arm.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" Mulder was sobbing as he hugged her, and Scully gave into the embrace. They both waited, letting anyone see them, both just crying and hugging. Everyone had to trust someone. They trusted each other.

_Now turn away,_

_Cause I'm awful just to see,_

_Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body._

Scully jerked to a sitting position, eyes wide, and coughed softly. She could feel something trickling down her face, and she switched on the lamp. Blood had been wiped onto her pillow, and she gasped. 

Hurrying into the bathroom, she almost wished she hadnt gone to look. Her face was pale, stark contrast to the copper hair cut to frame it. Her lips were paler than normal, her freckles clearly visible. Blood was streaking from her nose, and tears from her eyes.

She turned the tap, washing the blood and tearstains from her face. More tears fell, and she wiped them away, sniffing. The face looking back at her, haunted, wasn't hers. That's what she told herself. 

Walking back into her room, she slid into bed, stifling a sob. She felt the overwhelming urge to call Mulder, just to hear his voice. So comforting and gentle…it always made her feel better. Like she mattered. 

She pulled the covers up to her chin, moving her bloody pillow away, resolving to wash it in the morning. Unable to sleep, too afraid she'd never wake up again, she got up, and glanced at the clock. It was an hour before she usually got up.

Scully sighed, walking into the kitchen, and beginning to make breakfast. She felt tears sliding down her face, and she sighed. "Oh, Mulder, if only you knew…I don't want to die."

_All my agony,_

_Know that I will never marry,_

_Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo._

Scully stirred, the hospital room spinning slightly as she opened her eyes, and fought the urge to throw up. She closed her eyes, willing the walls to stop moving, but they snapped open when she felt lips brush her hand.

Opening her eyes, she frowned. "Mulder…" His brown eyes widened as he realized she was awake, and he touched her cheek gently. "Mulder…what are you doing here…?" She was almost ashamed at how weak her voice was, completely different from the voice she used in front of him for years. 

"I'm just here to say get better soon…" Mulder's smile was forced, his eyes projecting all the concern he felt. "And to get out of work." Scully forced a smile, relishing in his touch as he tucked a piece of errant hair behind her ears. "How you feeling?"

Scully coughed, groaning. "I'm fine, Mulder." His eyes poured into hers, and she sighed. "I…I appreciate you coming here, Mulder, but…I…I'm sorry, I think I need to rest right now." She averted her gaze, not wanting him to see her like this.

He shook his head. "Scully, you don't need to be ashamed…you're sick. That's not your fault. So you shouldn't be feeling like this…and I'm not leaving." Scully felt the frustrated tears coming, and she blinked them away.

"Damn it, Mulder, please. Just _go_." She sat up too fast, and felt the bile rise in her throat. Mulder watched her pale, and Scully glanced at him. "Bucket…now…" He snatched the bucket from under her bed, holding it on her lap.

Scully managed to throw up violently into the bucket, the tears of humiliation pouring down her cheeks. Mulder pulled her short hair away from her face, stroking her back with one hand, and whispering soothing words.

She finished retching, sobbing quietly. Mulder walked into the bathroom of her hospital room, rinsing a cloth, and wiping her face with it. He smoothed her hair from her face, pulling her into a gentle hug.

"Scully, you're not alone right now. Just let me be there for you…cry on my shoulder." Mulder lowered back on the bed, his arms wrapped around his partner, and stroked her hair gently. Scully closed her eyes, breathing steadily, her cheek pressed against his chest. 

_But counting down the days to go,_

_It just aint living,_

_And I just hope you know…_

Scully woke up to find herself in Mulder's arms, the two of them embracing even in sleep, on the small hospital bed. She froze, unwilling to move should she wake him, but suddenly terrified to be in his arms anymore.

Something inside of her broke, beginning to cry. She'd never have the chance to do this with anyone. To Mulder, this was just a friendly gesture. A form of comfort between the closest friends possible. Nothing more.

But to her, it broke her heart because it was something far more. She longed for the chance to have this as something far more than friends. Mulder was the only man she'd ever truly loved. This love was different to anything else. They'd die for eachother. 

They had been strangers, partners in work, friends, best friends…but when they moved to physical contact, Scully had begun to feel something more. She knew she enjoyed his embraces too much to be friends. His finger stroking her cheek killed her…a death she'd endure a thousandfold.

She'd never give birth to the little 'Uber Scullys' that Mulder had told her she could create. She had been so close to revealing herself then. When he told her to find someone with a spotless genetic make-up…and she had implied that it was he who she pictured as the father of her children by asking about his family history. She wanted to create little Mulders and Scullys, little boys and girls with dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a mischievous smile.

A reality that could never, would never, be. 

Scully blinked, and a small tear fell onto Mulder's shirt. He frowned in his sleep, and Scully stopped her breathing, too focused on letting him sleep. She lowered her head against his chest again, and tried to stop herself from shaking. 

"I love you, Mulder…" She whispered. He sighed in his sleep, his grip on her waist tightening even more, and pulling her even tighter against him. Scully smiled, closing her eyes, and willing herself to sleep. To cherish the moment…because she wouldn't be able to later. 

_That if you say,_

_Goodbye today,_

_I'd ask you to be true._

Mulder walked into Scully's hospital bed, his eyes instantly drawn to her chest. A sigh of relief escaped him as it rose, and lowered. She was still breathing – as long as she kept on breathing, he could take another breath himself.

He sat down beside her bed, as per usual, and took her slender hand. Raising it to his lips, he kissed the warm skin, and pressed it against his cheek, watching her face. Troubled, even in sleep, he could tell. By the way her brows were slightly drawing together, the small frown etched onto her forehead, her lips slightly parted.

"No…" She was sobbing. "No…don't…Mulder! Don't let them take me…I don't wanna leave you…don't wanna go…don't wanna die…" Tears were beginning to appear on her cheeks, from below her closed eyes, her eyelids fluttering. "Please…let me stay…"

Mulder began to break down, almost silently, tears welling in his own eyes. It had seemed like all he ever did when he visited her was cry…inwardly or not. He lowered his cheek to her chest when she silenced, listening to her heart beat through the thin hospital gown. _Thump thump_…_thump thump_…

"Don't go, Scully…don't leave me here…" He whispered. "I don't know if I can make it without you…" His tears leaked onto the material, wetting her skin, and sticking to his cheek. Mulder barely noticed, so consumed he was by his own grief.

Gasping, Scully woke up, her breathing erratic, and confused. Mulder sat up, shushing her questions, and soothingly brushed her hair off her clammy face. Her blue eyes followed his movements, still letting betraying tears fall.

"Mulder?" He watched her, aware of how small she suddenly seemed. "Do you believe in heaven?" Scully's whole ability to live seemed to depend on his answer, with the way she was watching him, scrutinizing his every movement. 

Mulder sighed. "Scully…I can't…_won't…_believe that there could be nothing for someone like you. That this life is all there can be. I never used to believe in heaven…but after knowing you, how can I not believe?" Tears fell fast onto his hand from her cheek.

She sniffed, smiling. "And…maybe, just maybe…we'll meet again to hunt down aliens in heaven." Chuckling, Mulder pulled her face to his chest, and chastely kissed the top of her head. "I'll see you there, one day, wont I? But not before you get to live life like you should?"

Mulder grinned, "You can count on it, Scully. You can't get rid of me that quickly…I'll even insist our badges are buried with us. Make us agents in heaven." She laughed softly, and he pressed his cheek to her copper hair. "It'll happen…I promise…" 

_Cause the hardest part of this,_

_Is leaving you…_

Scully watched Mulder enter the hospital room, her stomach fluttering, the butterflies making her want to jump out of bed and kiss him senseless. But though the battle was over, the war was not…she wasn't going to let him know how she felt just yet…not if she could help it.

"Your mom said you wanted to see me, Scully?" Mulder was pale, shaking, and she wondered if he thought she was giving him news that her condition had worsened…that the cure hadn't worked after all.

Scully sat up, shifting her legs to tuck beneath her body, and brushed her hair behind her ears. She wet her lips as she spoke. "Mulder…I have some news regarding my condition…but it's not bad." 

He sat down on the bed, taking both her hands, and staring her straight in the eyes. "Well don't keep me waiting for two long…" He smiled. "Please?" She nodded, a small smile gracing her lips, and inhaled.

"Mulder, the cure worked…my cancer…my brain tumor…it's gone into remission. I'm going to be okay." She giggled, completely euphoric, and Mulder seemed almost stunned by her revelation. His jaw was dropped, and it hit him.

"Oh my…that's amazing, Scully!" He gathered her up in a hug, holding her more tightly against him than he ever had. Their bodies fitted perfect together, almost as though they had been carved to fit into a perfect embrace. "I…I knew you'd be okay…" He was babbling, his lips close to her ear, inhaling the scent of her hair.

Scully smiled, pulling him equally as close as he had grabbed her. "I couldn't believe it, Mulder…but I had to tell you first…" She drew back, kissing his cheek for a long moment. "I didn't want to leave you…I couldn't imagine a heaven without you in it…it wouldn't be perfect. God, Mulder, I never realized how much I needed you. But thank God I don't have to leave you…thank God…"

His fingers trailed along her cheekbone, and he smiled. "Thank _you _for staying." Hesitating only briefly, he moved forwards so his lips met hers, and gently he parted her lips. Scully moved forward, her hands moving to cradle his head, and stroking his cheek as they kissed.

Parting, they stared at each other, and fell into each other's embrace once again. Silently, they agreed to stick together…to never leave one behind, in such an extent. And even if they were unsure as to their future as lovers, they were certain that – as friends, partners, and so much more – they would always try to make it last.

_Cause the hardest part of this,_

_Is leaving you…_

**Second X-Files oneshot. Probably OOC, but hey, what can I do? I'm currently writing a X-Files and Law And Order: Special Victims Unit crossover, so check it out, please? ****I'd love your opinions, and criticism is welcome. Constructive, hopefully. I don't like OOC characters, and I'm hoping I avoided that.**

**The song was "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance, and when I heard it, I actually cried because I was just picturing Mulder and Scully. **

**So please review, so I know what to do when I write another one! And I will…**

**Just A Little Bit Dramatic**


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